Bad Bird Jokes

A pigeon pacing up and down anxiously in Central Park sees his friend hop up on the curb. "Where have you been? I've been waiting for hours!" The new arrival says, "It was such a nice day, I decided to walk!" This laugh track also includes gulls, ducks, and chickens. Email us your own bird jokes, and we'll add them to the list.

BirdNote^®

Bad Bird Jokes

Gathered on the Internet

Good evening ladies and birds, this is BirdNote!

Looking for a bad bird joke? Listen up!

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Two seagulls, Gertrude and Heathcliff, are standing around. Gertrude says, "Have you seen the latest model cars?" Heathcliff says, "Yeah, I just spotted one!"

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A pigeon pacing up and down anxiously in Central Park sees his friend hop up on the curb. "Where have you been? I've been waiting here for hours!" The new arrival looked around him and said, "It was such a nice day, I says to myself -- what the heck, I'll walk!"

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Two hunters were out on the marsh duck hunting. One says to the other, "We're not having much luck today getting any ducks." The other one says, "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough."

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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Hmmm? Think about it.

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So, what would you get if you cross a chicken with a ghost? A poultrygeist!

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Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side!

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I planted some bird seed, and a bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven till it’s Bill Withers.

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If you’re still listening, and even worse, if you want more, you’ll find a link on our website, BirdNote.org. I’m Michael Stein and I’m Mary McCann (Chorus of duck “laughs”)

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Calls of the birds provided by The Macaulay Library at the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, Ithaca, New York. Glaucous-winged Gull by G. Bell; Willow Ptarmigan by G.A. Keller; Rock Pigeons by A.L. Priori; Kookaburra by F.N. Robinson; Pileated Woodpecker by D. Herr.

Common Murre recorded by B. Sundstrom; Chickens recorded by C. Peterson.

Producer: John Kessler

Executive Producer: Chris Peterson

ID # jokes-01-2009-06-19-MS/MMjokes 01bNarrators: Michael Stein and Mary McCann