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Bad Bird Jokes

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
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A Rock Pigeon seen in profile, high-stepping along over paving stones
© Chris Morgan

A pigeon pacing up and down anxiously in Central Park sees his friend hop up on the curb. "Where have you been? I've been waiting for hours!" The new arrival says, "It was such a nice day, I decided to walk!" This laugh track also includes gulls, ducks, and chickens. Email us your own bird jokes, and we'll add them to the list.

  • Full Transcript
  • Credits

BirdNote®

Bad Bird Jokes

Gathered on the Internet

Good evening ladies and birds, this is BirdNote! 

Looking for a bad bird joke?  Listen up!

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Two seagulls, Gertrude and Heathcliff, are standing around. Gertrude says, "Have you seen the latest model cars?" Heathcliff says, "Yeah, I just spotted one!" 

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A pigeon pacing up and down anxiously in Central Park sees his friend hop up on the curb. "Where have you been? I've been waiting here for hours!" The new arrival looked around him and said, "It was such a nice day, I says to myself -- what the heck, I'll walk!" 

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Two hunters were out on the marsh duck hunting. One says to the other, "We're not having much luck today getting any ducks." The other one says, "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough." 

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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Hmmm? Think about it.

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So, what would you get if you cross a chicken with a ghost? A poultrygeist!

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Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side!

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I planted some bird seed, and a bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven till it’s Bill Withers.

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If you’re still listening, and even worse, if you want more, you’ll find a link on our website, BirdNote.org.  I’m Michael Stein and I’m Mary McCann (Chorus of duck “laughs”)

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Calls of the birds provided by The Macaulay Library at the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, Ithaca, New York. Glaucous-winged Gull by G. Bell; Willow Ptarmigan by G.A. Keller; Rock Pigeons by A.L. Priori; Kookaburra by F.N. Robinson; Pileated Woodpecker by D. Herr. 

Common Murre recorded by B. Sundstrom; Chickens recorded by C. Peterson.

Producer: John Kessler

Executive Producer: Chris Peterson

© 2013 Tune In to Nature.org

ID # jokes-01-2009-06-19-MS/MMjokes 01bNarrators: Michael Stein and Mary McCann

 

Mary McCann
Narrator
Michael Stein
Narrator
Chris Morgan
Photographer
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Tagshumor Chicken

Related Resources

More bird jokes (and other humor)Send us an email with your bird joke

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Rock Pigeon (Columba livia)

Columba livia

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Birds connect us with the joy and wonder of nature. By telling vivid, sound-rich stories about birds and the challenges they face, BirdNote inspires listeners to care about the natural world – and take steps to protect it.

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